Setting boundaries with grace

Healthy boundaries in relationship do not feel like rigidity. They are not an impenetrable wall designed to keep others (or the mystery of life) out.

I’ve gone slightly off kilter in the past with this one when my partners have felt my rigidity like a wall between us, pushing them away.

This was never what I wanted. 😔

That’s why sensitive to our energy is required while navigating setting boundaries, so we can feel into where hardness & harshness might come in to our communication.

When we first start learning about boundaries and how to assert them, it’s natural to feel an uprising of fiery energy that we want to claim & express, especially if we’ve been accustomed to allowing in the past.

Fire is bold, transformative, powerful. 🔥
And potentially dangerous.

Playing with fire is easy. Expressing fire with an open heart that invites the other into connection? Not so much.

Having honouring boundaries & standards is not about dominating or controlling situations, but being so firmly anchored in our desire and alive in our yes, that we choose to move in alignment with that.

We hold the vision, desire & longing but we don’t grasp for it.

Rigidity is felt when we deep down hold tension around our desires and feel contraction, as we are doubting our worth.

When our boundary is serving love, there’s no ‘charge’ or aggression in asserting it.

We can feel instead how our boundary in deep service to our heart’s unfurling.

When our ‘no’ comes from the heart, and it radiates an energy of graciousness.

There is no harshness, because the protection our boundary provides nurtures our softness. ♾

Therefore, we can be soft as we share it.
There is nothing to defend against.

We are safe & held, in our own holding.

In our own union.

That to me, is self-love.